Ye Meri Life Hai - Chirag Mehta

Be Good & Do Good!

Month: May 2006 (page 2 of 4)

IMPACT OF JOB-CHANGE

Ack:~ Potnuru Archana

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost
control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and
stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:
“Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”.

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years”

Marriage Query(SQL)

Ack :~ Chintan Vasani

CREATE OR REPLACE PROCEDURE MyMarriage @BrideGroom CHAR(NotBad), @Bride CHAR(Good) IS
SELECT Bride
FROM *****Brides –this is ur guess reply with this
WHERE FatherInLaw = ‘Millionaire’
AND CarCount = 2
AND HouseStatus =’TwoStoreyed’
AND BrideEduStatus=’PGorAbove’ HavingBrothers=’NO’ AND HavingSisters =’No’ AND AllowRelocate =’YES’ ;

SELECT gold, cash, car, bankbalance
FROM fatherinlaw;

UPDATE mybankaccout
SET mybal = mybal + fatherinlawbal;

UPDATE mylocker
SET mylockercontents = mylockercontents + fatherinlawgold;

INSERT INTO mycarshed
VALUES (‘Safari’);

END;

Skype Offers Free Calls to Regular Phones

Skype Stops Charging Users for Dialing Up People on Landline, Mobile Phones in U.S., Canada

Skype, eBay Inc.’s Internet telephone subsidiary, has stopped charging users for dialing up people on traditional landline and mobile phones in the U.S. and Canada.

The Internet telephone service, which has always offered free PC-to-PC calls around the world, said Monday it will offer its SkypeOut service for free until the end of the year. Previously, Skype users paid about 2 cents a minute for calls to landline and mobile telephones.

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Goodbye Clutter, Hello Clever

Yahoo! simplifies its home page in a redesign that showcases an array of offerings and a more customized and intuitive approach

Compared with Google’s (GOOG) sparse, minimalist look, Yahoo!’s (YHOO) style is more tchochkes and patterned wallpaper. So it’s hard not to view the redesign of Yahoo’s home page — a noticeably sleeker version unveiled in preview form on May 16 — as the search engine’s attempt to Google-ize its identity. And given that Google’s stripped-down offering counted 27% more unique users in April than in the same period last year, while Yahoo’s uniques only rose by 11%, imitation would seem a sound strategy.

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Santa Singh and Banta Singh

Sardar bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said “My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610”
————————————————————–
Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.

————————————————————–
What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

————————————————————–
Santa falls in luv with a nurse…After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”
————————————————————–

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
————————————————————-

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next… Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

***************************************************

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

**************************************************
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

**************************************************

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.

****************************************************

Q: How do you recognize Santa’s son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
**************************************************

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u’ll die.
Santa: No, u’ll die b’coz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?

**************************************************
Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? ”
A: Santa bola, “Pehle date of birth to batao.”

***************************************************
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

****************************************************
What’s Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What’s Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

******************************************************
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.

***************************************************
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever
– What comes first – the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

*************************************************
Santa (reading from book of facts):
“Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?”

————————————————————–
Teacher to Sardar ” Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

==================================

Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..

=====================================

Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na….

======================================

Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN was also in at that time.

=====================================
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

===================================
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer: A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..

Funny Leave Letters………….

Ack:~ Sridhar V Dontha

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India.

1. A student’s leave letter:
“As I am suffering from my uncle’s marriage I cannot attend the class….”

———————————————

2. A candidate’s application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘typist And an accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post.”

———————————————

3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife.Please sanction me one-week leave.

———————————————

4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

———————————————

5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”

———————————————

6. An incident of a leave letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”

———————————————

7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

———————————————

8. A covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”

———————————————

9. >From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it,Please grant me 10 days leave.

———————————————
10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave”.

———————————————

11. Letter writing:
“I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

———————————————

12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter’s wedding:
“As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave…”

Things you miss/wish in life

Ack:~ Shrutika Pramod Kokate

1. **5 minutes ago you were traveling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are traveling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance,
You wish there was ‘undo (ctrl + Z)’ in life !!

2. **You are already late, and your key is missing,
You wish there was ‘find tool (ctrl+F)’ in life !!

3. **You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business,
You wish there was ‘rebuild all’ in life !!

4. **The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end,
You wish there was ‘zoom & view full screen’ in life!

5. **After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch,
You wish there was an valuation period’ or atleast a ‘sample download’ or a ‘demo version’ !!

6. **One day you realize that you are turning bald,
You wish there was ‘cut and paste (ctrl + X)/ (ctrl + V)’ in life !!

And the best one is …

7. **The best part of the keyboard is U & I are together which is not always there in life…

True Facts realted to GUYS

Belive it or not…….

1. Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer
neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3.When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re
not thinking the way he is.

4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.

5. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad
characteristics.

6. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.

8. When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.

9. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow”.
… so true.

10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.

11. Guys love their moms.

12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a
couple of roses.

13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this
doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.

14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face
of the earth faster than girls can.

17. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.

18. Guys are very open about themselves.

19. It’s good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don’t
let him wait that long.

20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not
that much pretty.

22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don’t need to give advice … very true.

23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he
teases you.

24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

25. Guys think too much.

26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.

27. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight
does! … very true.

28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!

29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the
topic is about girls.

30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.

31. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.

32. Guys hate girls who overreact.

33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in
your relationships.

Newton ‘s laws of software. ..

Ack:~ Sachidanand Suresh Mall

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.

Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.

Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

Google Trends …Just Launched

Google Trends

With Google Trends, you can compare the world’s interest in your favorite topics. Enter up to five topics and see how often they’ve been searched for on Google over time. Google Trends also displays how frequently your topics have appeared in Google News stories, and which geographic regions have searched for them most often.

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