Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ron hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied…
‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home? ‘

If you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 4,900 today.

If you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 3,300 today.

If you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 0.0 today.

But, if you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, returned the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have Rs 21,400!!!

Think Smart!!

A recent incident saw one such hapless victim falling prey to the overenthusiastic nature of Bombay’s local train commuters. Our hero, a man from Pune, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He panicked on realising his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue. It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train (6:03pm Kasara Fast) for the past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed down just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail’s pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man’s inexperience, he added some words of caution:

“Keep running the moment you jump or you’ll fall. Just keep running.” He stressed the word “running” lest the man not know the laws of motion. The train did slow down just before Matunga station and at the prompting of his mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if all hell had broken loose. What he didn’t realise, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train.

In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the footboard commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train! To his agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty. Those standing at the door of his “ex-compartment” had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn’t stop laughing at the poor man’s situation, while he grinned sheepishly.

Yeh hai mumbai meri jaan………………….

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.. 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.’ The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!’

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.’

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.