Ye Meri Life Hai - Chirag Mehta

Be Good & Do Good!

Tag: Forwards (page 2 of 48)

Nandan Nilekani’s Fully integrated ID card system!

Indian govt is thinking of issuing fully inegrated ID card to every Indian, this initiative is headed by Nandan Nilekani. Following is a small hilarious act on how the Life then would be as follows:

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”

Customer: “Helo, can I order..”

Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s he…, hold……….on…….889861356102049998-45-54610”

Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 JalVayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 9869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”

Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”

Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”

Customer: “How come?”

Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”

Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”

Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00”

Customer: “Can I pay by Credit card?”

Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir..”

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”

Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car…..”

Customer: “What!”

Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107..”

Customer: “????”

Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. ”

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator: “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…?”

Customer Faints

Should parents be on Facebook?

Stage 1
‘Oh, how cool. My parents are getting net-savvy!’ This stage lasts for 30 seconds.

Stage 2
‘Aaaarghh!! They can see everything – my photos, my friends, my profile pictures, what my friends have said about my pictures, my wall!’

Stage 3
Deep breathing. ‘It’s okay. I won’t accept the request.’

Stage 4
Later that evening: ‘Beta you didn’t accept my friend request? I sent it to you this morning, will you please accept, abhi?’

Stage 5
For the first time in your life, you take an in-depth look at Facebook’s privacy settings. You realize that it’s very, very inscrutable. Two days later, your girlfriend posts the pictures of you and her at the party you went for last week.

Stage 6
Mom posts a comment on the picture/your wall, asking if this is how she behaves in public. Your friends shriek with laughter and you hide under the bed for a week. When you come out, you find your girlfriend has dumped you and will never face you, your parents, or any other friends in that party again.

Stage 7
You spend three days scanning every photo you put up, comment you made, note you posted, and quiz you took, deleting, deleting, deleting.

Stage 8
Mom discovers quizzes! The world finds out that she has a 98 per cent dirty mind; she is Surma Bhopali from Sholay; sings ‘Who let the dogs out’ in the bathroom; and her stripper name is Hot Chocolate.
You don’t log in for a month.

Stage 9
You finally log in again, and find that her entire friend circle – including your aunts and your dad – has joined the social networking site. They have been, via your cousins, going through your profile with a fine toothcomb. There are 17 friend requests pending.

Stage 10
Dad becomes a fan of Megan Fox. It’s followed by intensely aggressive reaction from mom. Aunts support her. Friends start taking screenshots of the discussion and forwarding it around among each other. You throw your computer out of the window.

On the serious side Should parents be on Facebook? The immediate reaction is negative, because we’ve got used to a certain level of privacy and freedom out here, and we’d rather not have someone looking over our shoulder disapprovingly.

But are you doing something that you’d be ashamed to share with your parents? If yes, why are you doing it at all? It may take some getting used to, but in the long run, it can be an opportunity to bond with your parents in a way that you had never thought of before.

Remember, they did figure it out on their own – doesn’t that deserve some respect? And won’t it be a lot more fun if you can help them through this, without embarrassing them or you? And once you know they’re around, thinking – even for 5 seconds – before posting is not such a bad habit. It can save you from making the blooper of a lifetime.

Evergreen Lovers – Love letter of kids!

To ,

Dear Tintumol,

I love you. My dream I see you. Everywhere you. You no, I live no.
I come red shirt 2morrow. You love I, you come red frock. I wait down
mango tree. You no come, i jump train. Sure come…

yours lovely,

Std 1 B
Reply….by Tintumol….

Darling, your letter mama see. Papa beat me beat me so many beat me.
I cry. i cry. So no come to mango tree. No jump train. I love you.
See another day. I no red frock. Only green.

You love me, you love me you green shirt. Give I gift. I see you with pinkumol.
Where you go.. NO talk to her. Okay My dream also only you


Vegan Candy Is Dandy!


Would you believe that some candies contain animal ingredients? It’s true! Some candies are made from things like gelatin, which is mashed up cow skin, cartilage, and bones. And carmine, the red coloring used in some candies, is made from ground-up bugs. Can you believe that? Bugs! Blecch!

Wondering if some of your favorite sweets are animal-friendly? No worries—check out the list and satisfy your sweet tooth with vegan treats

Be truthful, be confident, and go bell the CAT

Following is a story of an IIM topper. I received this as a forward email, but it is inspiring and funny too …. Why not have a look at it .. may be it help you to grab the CAT

Preparation 2005:
In March 2005 the CAT 2005 fever picked up in IIT. A lot of people starting doing multiple choice questions, lots of banners were put up, everyone was giving tests, topping at some coaching or the other. Initially I did not want to give CAT but the herd mentality is hard to break and hence I also joined Roots Education near IIT for CAT preparation (Roots definitely is a great place to go, not just for CAT but for overall development). Summer break came and I went to Yahoo! Bangalore for my internship and prepared for GRE there (Yes I am an extremely confused soul). After coming back I gave GRE prepared a little bit for CAT and went to give the exam.

CAT 2005 Exam:
The funniest thing happened during the exam, I wanted to start my watch so that it starts at 12 and I can measure the time precisely. The exam started and I forgot to start my watch. After 10-12 minutes I realized my mistake and started my watch and started rushing through the questions. I gave too much time to the English Section and barely gave enough time to Quant and Data Interpretation. When I came out of the exam I scored something in 50s. I attempted around 34 marks in English and scored around 24, I attempted 17 marks in Quant and scored 15.66 marks, and I attempted 17 marks in DI and scored 15 or something in it. Most coaching institutes told me not to have too much hope for callsII.

IIM Interviews 2005:
I scored 99.45 percentile and got interview calls from all the IIMs. I remember little details but I will try and capture them here. The IIM Calcutta interview was the worst. They asked me about my favorite course, I said algorithms. They asked me what NP Complete is and I did not answer it correctly. Moreover I argued that I was correct. The professor told me to go and read my books again. IIM Kozikode was a funny experience and in the end I told them that I do not want admission at IIM Kozikode. IIM Ahemdabad was again okay. In IIM Bangalore we started discussing about India and I said that in India things happen by chance and are not planned. It was a nice hot discussion. IIM Lucknow was also quite decent. In the end I was not expecting anything from IIM Calcutta and quite hopeful from IIM Bangalore and Calcutta. The result was that I got through IIM Calcutta and Lucknow and did not get through others. Quite Funny.

I did not join IIM since I wanted to work (and at that time I was supposed to go to US). However that is a different story.

Preparation 2006:
I was almost in no mood to give CAT. But since some friends were going to get the form I also asked them to get the form for me. I remember while filling up the form my mom asked me why am I filling the form but the person I am I just said just in case (I know I do have some OCD)

Exam 2006:
This time I did not take any coaching. Did not take any practice tests basically did nothing. In fact I landed back from US on 18th November at 2 a.m. in the morning. I came home and slept, ate a lot of Indian food on 18th and went to exam on 19th. I think I was somewhat jetlagged. I also felt really funny and stupid while giving the exam having cleared it once. I don’t know how it happened but I did pretty well. I scored well in almost all the sections.

Interviews 2006:
I scored 99.56 percentile and got interview calls from all IIMs again. This time the interviews were much more interesting. At IIM Bangalore they asked me a lot of things, few of them I remember. They asked me that “I want to enter management now leaving technical side, how can they be sure that I will not leave management later?” I just could not think of any answer and in the end I blurted what was coming in my mind that “There is not guarantee, in fact most probably I will leave management as well after 10-15 years as after that I should have enough money and would like to work for an NGO after that.” They also asked me “How do I justify government funding on my IIT education since I am leaving it now?” Again I was stumped and I became philosophical and said that “Nobody said life would be fair, IIT has an exam and on that day I scored more marks and was able to get in and there is no guarantee that another person would not make the same choices as I have made.” I did not expect to get selected at IIM Bangalore. In the IIM Calcutta interview they asked me why I did not join last year. I was able to convince them well. Overall a nice interview. IIM Ahemdabad was quite interesting. The professor quized me over testing and quality assurance. I explained what I had learned in the past one year. They asked me about my thesis project on having automated surveillance. They asked me why it was required and I said that because humans are expensive and can make more mistakes. At the end of the interview they asked me that I said machines are better since humans make more mistakes but a software is also written by humans and hence can have errors right? and I answered that because of this we have testing and quality assurance teams. We all smiled. IIM Lucknow was okay again. The result was that I got through IIM Bangalore, Calcutta and Lucknow.

This time I also got an H1b with my company but somehow going to US did not feel right and hence I am joining IIM Calcutta ( I know I am terribly confused person).

This has been my rendezvous with CAT. Overall a great experience. My advice to others, don’t study too much for CAT written test. If you study too much then you get tensed and that makes things worse. If you don’t study then no tension and better performance. IIM Interviews are a completely different story.

Prepare every portion of your life, specially college life and academics, and try and have a good reasoning of why you want to do an MBA. Most of all don’t lie, always say the truth because I feel when you say the truth then you say it with full confidence and that makes an impression on people. Be truthful, be confident, and go bell the CAT.

YOGA answers on why females get cooled off faster than males!

The nose has a left and a right side; we use both to inhale and exhale.

Actually they are different; you would be able to feel the difference. The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon.

Right side belongs to ‘hot’, so it gets heated up easily, left side belongs to ‘cold’. Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get “cooled off” faster. Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up.

Also something useful, Yoga helps to recover from headache and to get refreshed …

During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe.
In about 5 mins, your headache will go. If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed.

The group that does not accept you the way you are, is not your world

A plum once said, just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana. Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange. When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes. Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many times that I no more know who I am. How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.

Just because a group of people do not accept you as you are, there is no necessity for you to strip yourself of your originality. You need to think good of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate. Never stop down in order to gain recognition. Never let go of your true self to win a relationship. In the long run, you will regret that you traded your greatest glory – your uniqueness, for momentary validation. Even Gandhi was not accepted by many people. The group that does not accept you the way you are, is not your world.

There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king / queen by just being yourself. Find that world… in fact, that world will find you.

What water can do, gasoline cannot and what copper can, gold cannot. The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables it to stay rooted. Everything and everybody has been designed with a proportion of uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfill only by being our unique self. You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I alone can serve my purpose. You are here to be you… just you.

There was a time in this world when a Krishna was required and he was sent; a time when a Christ was required and he was sent; a time when a Mahatma was required and he was sent; There came a time when you were required on this planet and hence you were sent. Let us be the best we can be. Don’t miss yourself and let the world not miss you.

In the history of the universe, there has been nobody like you and to the infinite of time to come, there will be no one like you. Existence should have loved you so much that it broke the mould after making you, so that another of your kind will never get repeated.

You are original.
You are rare.
You are unique.
You are a wonder.
You are a masterpiece… your Master’s piece.

Celebrate your Uniqueness.

Trust your friends in every situation …

Trust your friends in every situation, irrespective of whether they are with you or not. The Reason to be not with you may be to be with you for a long time …..

Below is a small story trying to reveal the face trust your friends in every situation, which we forget in this fast moving world

Once i had to walk on a rope bridge. It was very high, i was scared. i saw my frnd on the other side and called him out for help but there was no reply . i somehow managed and crossed the bridge. der i was shocked to see my frnd holding the end of the broken bridge…,sometimes we think why our frnd is quite when we call for help . he may not help you in crossing the bridge but he might be holding the broken bridge for you … just trust your friends in every situations, bcoz they are your real asset

Selfless Love – Change your terms for your beloved ones

My wife called, ‘How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?

I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter, Sindu, looked frightened; tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with curd rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.

I cleared my throat and picked up the bowl. ‘Sindu, darling, why don’t you take a few mouthful of this curd rice? Just for Dad’s sake, dear’.

Sindu softened a bit and wiped her tears with the back of her hands. ‘Ok, Dad. I will eat – not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should…’ Sindu hesitated. ‘Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?’

‘Promise’. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. Now I became a bit anxious. ‘Sindu, dear, you shouldn’t insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. Ok?’

‘No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive’. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she detested. After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her. ‘Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!’ was her demand.

‘Atrocious!’ shouted my wife, ‘A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!’

‘Never in our family!’ My mother rasped. ‘She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!’

‘Sindu, darling, why don’t you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.’

‘Please, Sindu, why don’t you try to understand our feelings?’ I tried to plead with her.

‘Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice’. Sindu was in tears. ‘And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for. Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?’

It was time for me to call the shots. ‘Our promise must be kept.’

‘Are you out of your mind?’ chorused my mother and wife.

‘No. If we go back on ourpromises, she will never learn to honour her own. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.’

With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big and beautiful.

On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned around and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, ‘Sinduja, please wait for me!’ What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. ‘May be, that is the in-stuff’, I thought.

‘Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!’ Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, ‘that boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering from… leukemia’. She paused to muffle her sobs. ‘Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son!

Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.’

I stood transfixed and then, I wept. ‘My little Angel, you are teaching me how selfless real love is!’

The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love !!

Ack : Pragya Kumari

Did you know that nothing happened between 3 and 13 Sep 1752?

Sept 1732

Isn’t it queer? A month with whole of eleven days missing. This was the time England shifted from Roman Julian Calendar to the Gregorian Calendar, and the king of England ordered those 11 days to be wiped off the face of the month of September of 1752. (What couldn’t a King do in those days?!) And yes, the workers worked for 11 days less, but got paid for the entire 30 days. And that’s how “Paid Leave” was born.

In September 1752 the Julian calendar was replaced with the Gregorian calendar in Great Britain and its American colonies. The Julian calendar was 11 days behind the Gregorian calendar, so 14 September got to follow 2 September on the day of the change. The result was that between 3 and 13 September, absolutely nothing happened!

The calendar switch also influenced the way George Washington’s birthday is celebrated. He was born on 11 February 1731, but the anniversary of his birth is on 22 February because of the 11 days eliminated from the calendar switch. At the same time, New Year’s Day was changed from 25 March to 1 January, thus according to the new calendar, Washington was born in 1732.

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