Be Good & Do Good!

Tag: Forwards (Page 12 of 48)

Good Quotes …

UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.
–Dennis Ritchie

Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
–Ralph Johnson

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
–Fred Brooks

It’s hard enough to find an error in your code when you’re looking for it;
It’s even harder when you’ve assumed your code is error-free.
–Steve McConnell Code Complete

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
–Bertrand Russell

If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
Then programming must be the process of putting them in.
–Edsger Dijkstra

You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic;
You cannot have both at the same time.
–Bertrand Meyer

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
–Alan J. Perlis

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
–Bill Gates

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
–Tom Cargill

Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs.
The Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots.
So far the Universe is winning.
–Anon

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work.
Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice: Nothing works and they don’t know why.

The Six Phases of a Project:
· Enthusiasm
· Disillusionment
· Panic
· Search for the Guilty
· Punishment of the Innocent
· Praise for non-participants

No matter how slick (efficient) the demo is in rehearsal,
When you do it in front of a live audience
The probability of a flawless presentation
Is inversely proportional to the number of people watching,
Raised to the power of the amount of money involved.

Trivia about cultures across the world

In Japan, a visiting card should be respected like a person

In Greece, give your business card to everyone you meet

In Hong Kong, avoid the colors blue and white in your presentation

In Bulgaria/Hungary: napkins on the table not on the lap

In Indonesia, never touch another person’s head

The Irish always toast their visitors, and consider refusal to drink a bit of an insult

Meals in Italy are generally unhurried, and can last up to four hours

When doing business in Iceland, it is considered bad form to discuss the weather

In Finland, an invitation to join your host in the sauna represents an honour

Czechs remove their shoes when entering a home and leave them in the entryway

In Bulgaria, ‘yes’ is indicated by shaking the head from side to side and ‘no’ is expressed with one or two nods

Australians generally don’t like to talk business during leisure hours, and they avoid making class distinction

Mental Hospital :)

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead…
.
.
.

.

.
.
Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home???”

Good One To Laugh

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER – Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend – You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness – Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. “A Ship is always safe at the shore – but that is NOT what it is built for” – Albert Einstein

Ant & Grasshopper – Old v New Version

Ant & Grasshopper – the old story

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Modern Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support for the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) ..

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad
allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Rath’

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ‘Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act’ [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh
makes ‘Special Reservation ‘ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it’s home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ‘A Triumph of Justice’.

Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice ‘.

CPM calls it the ‘Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden ‘

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later…

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India …..

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!

Mam n Women

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in he lower.
At 2:00 AM , he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying,

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I’m awfully cold.”
“I have a better idea,” she replied.
“Just for tonight, why don’t we pretend that we’re married?”
“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he is excited.
And she says :
“Get up and take it yourself”

Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions

Case 1

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn’t work at zero gravity (Ink won’t flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million.

They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did the Russians do…?? They used a pencil.

Case 2

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan’s biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a file employee in India in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral:

Always look for simple solutions.
Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems
Always focus on solutions & not on problems
So at the end of the day, the thing that really matters is HOW ONE LOOK INTO THE PROBLEM, mere perceptions can solve the toughest of problems….

Great finishes

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, In short … does not exist

Keep your office clean… stay at home!!!

Be quiet in the office…… respect the fact that others sleep!

Sometime my mind asks why I miss you?
Why I care for you?
Why I remember you?
Then my heart answers it’s simply because mental patient needs more care.

Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed.
It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girl friend with loss of certain amount of money.

Girl Responses to Guys Treatment ..,

If v treat her nice she says “yaar mujhe line de raha hai”
If v dont she says “kitna akarta hai”
If v dress nicely she says “mujhe impress karna chahta hai”
If v dont she says “tasteless hai yaar”
If v argue with her she says “ziddi hai”
If v sit quietly she says “dumb hai”
If v act smarter she’ll lose her brain as u r insulting her
If she acts smarter she thinks its her right
If v dont love her she says “is ka to pehle se hi 2,3 ladkiyon ka saath chakkar hai”
If v love her she says “peechhe hi pad gayaa hai”
If v dont tell her ur prob she says ” u r not honest 2 me”
If u do tell to her she says “u r a problem child”
If v scold her she says “you act like a grandpa giving lecture”
If she scolds us she says “Yaar, its becoz i care”
If v break a promise she says “She does not trust u any more”
If she breaks she says “jaan main majboor thi….
ladkiyan re ladkiya . .
bechare boys itna sab seh ke b chup chap rehte ….!!!!!!!!!

« Older posts Newer posts »