If you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 4,900 today.
If you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 3,300 today.
If you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 0.0 today.
But, if you purchased Rs 1, 00,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, returned the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have Rs 21,400!!!
Think Smart!!
For the moment, cricket does not figure in the International Olympic Committee’s scheme of things, said IOC President Jacques Rogge here.
On the possible inclusion of cricket in future Olympics, he said, “Cricket is a very famous sport in India. We are going to include two more sports to the Olympic programme next year at our Congress in Denmark in October.
“In London we have 26 sports; in 2016 we will have 28… But cricket’s inclusion will not be possible in 2016 because it is not in the list of African sport.”
The IOC has shortlisted soft ball, baseball, karate, squash, rugby, roller skating and golf from which two will be selected.
Regarding cricket’s inclusion, Rogge added, “It all depends on the ICC. If they want to include it in the Commonwealth Games or Olympics they first have to be an IOC member. As of now they are not a member… We have received no application from the ICC.”
A recent incident saw one such hapless victim falling prey to the overenthusiastic nature of Bombay’s local train commuters. Our hero, a man from Pune, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He panicked on realising his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue. It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train (6:03pm Kasara Fast) for the past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed down just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail’s pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man’s inexperience, he added some words of caution:
“Keep running the moment you jump or you’ll fall. Just keep running.” He stressed the word “running” lest the man not know the laws of motion. The train did slow down just before Matunga station and at the prompting of his mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if all hell had broken loose. What he didn’t realise, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train.
In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the footboard commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train! To his agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty. Those standing at the door of his “ex-compartment” had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn’t stop laughing at the poor man’s situation, while he grinned sheepishly.
Yeh hai mumbai meri jaan………………….
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.. 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.’ The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!’
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Boss: Where were you born?
Singh: Punjab..
Boss: which part?
Singh: Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.
2 Singh were fixing a bomb in a car.
Singh 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Singh 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
Singh: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Singh: Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
Singh joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Singh: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is all India Radio!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child
What is Bailout ?
A situation in which a business, individual or government offers money to a failing business in order to prevent the consequences that arise from a business’s downfall. Bailouts can take the form of loans, bonds, stocks or cash. They may or may not require reimbursement.
Investopedia Says:
Bailouts have traditionally occurred in industries or businesses that may be perceived no longer being viable, or are just sustaining huge losses. Typically, these companies employ a large number of people, leading some people to believe that the economy would be unable sustain such a huge jump in unemployment if the business folded.
Following is the trail of BAILOUT(S) happening ever n than in US.
1932 — The Hoover administration creates the Reconstruction Finance Corp. to facilitate economic activity by lending money in the Great Depression.
1933 — The Roosevelt administration creates the Home Owners’ Loan Corp. to buy $3 billion in bad mortgages from banks and refinance them to homeowners to stem a rise in foreclosures. The government makes a small profit.
1971 — Congress saves Lockheed Aircraft Corp., the nation’s biggest defense contractor, from bankruptcy by guaranteeing the repayment of $250 million in bank loans.
1979 — Congress and the Carter administration arrange for $1.2 billion in subsidized loans to bail out automaker Chrysler Corp., then the nation’s 10th-largest company. There ultimately was no significant cost to the government, since the loans were repaid.
1984 — Congress effectively takes over the ailing Continental Illinois National Bank and Trust, which failed with $40 billion of assets. The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. injects $4.5 billion to buy bad loans.
1989 — Congress establishes the Resolution Trust Corp. to take over bad assets and make depositors whole. Resolving the S&L crisis takes six years and $125 billion in taxpayer money — roughly equal to $200 billion in today’s dollars.
1998 — The government brokers a $3.6 billion private bailout in the collapse of the Long-Term Capital Management hedge fund, although no government money is involved.
2001 — Congress authorizes $5 billion in cash after the Sept. 11 terror attacks to help shore up the airline industry and follows up with $10 billion in loan guarantees.
2008:
March 16 — The Federal Reserve agrees to guarantee $29 billion of Bear Stearns’ assets in connection with the government-sponsored sale of the investment bank to JPMorgan Chase & Co.
July 11 — Federal regulators seize IndyMac Bank’s assets after the mortgage lender succumbs to the pressures of tighter credit, falling home prices and rising foreclosures. The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. says it will cost about $8.9 billion out of its $53 billion insurance fund.
Sept. 7 — The Treasury Department seizes teetering mortgage finance institutions Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, temporarily putting them in a government conservatorship with plans to inject up to $100 billion into each.
Sept. 16 — The government announces an $85 billion emergency loan to rescue American International Group Inc., the world’s largest insurance company, in return for a 79.9 percent stake in AIG.
Sept. 19 — The Bush administration announces a plan to let the government buy hundreds of billions of dollars of bad mortgages and other forms of toxic debt that have been weighing down U.S. financial companies.
Doesn’t this echoes US as Bailout Nation ?
A woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather die than to live another year in prison.
Over the years she had become good friends with one of the prison caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker was filling out the death certificate. When the care-taker returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along with the dead body. He would then bury the coffin. The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening when the aretaker would return to the graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open it, and set her free.
The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed to do it.
The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring. She got up and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times. Her heart was beating fast. She opened the door to the darkened room where the coffins were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the coffin that contained the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut.
Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with the dead body, she knew that with each nail she was one step closer to freedom. The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground. She didn’t make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave with a thud. Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be free at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began to laugh. She was free! She was free! Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the dead prisoner beside her.
To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to the dead caretaker.
Many people believe they have life all figured out….. but sometimes it just doesn’t turn out the way they planned it.
Think of a ‘Plan B’ !
Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
*********
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
*********
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn’t come back yet!
Santa: Why don’t u cook something else?
**********
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
***********
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn’t tell me where.
************
Santa’s wife dies. He is calm, but his wife’s lover is crying furiously…
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don’t worry buddy, I will marry again.
************
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
************
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
====================================
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to Punjab ,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.
========================================
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza
hut kyun leja raha hai………
Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein ‘Delivery Free’ hai..
========================================
Sardarji aapko bus me logo ne kyu mara?
Sardarji: Are yaar mere photo bus me niche gir gaya aur mene kaha madam jara sari upper kijiye photo lena hai…..
==============================================
A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab…
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
=================================================
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!
=================================================
Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.
=================================================
American says: ‘ US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..’
Sardarji says: ‘ India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai…!!!’
=================================================
Sardar orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
=======================================================
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
=========================================================
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
==============================================
Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
When a person asked what he was doing?
He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.
==============================================
2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1 Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1 Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.
==============================================
A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
he is my kid,
& she is my kidney.
==============================================
Sardar 1: I’m very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone
& saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was
going & I sent my wife with him
Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:
”The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I’ve been doing my part.’
Source : Based on a forward received.
Death never comes as welcomed, it comes without invitation and sometime even the same can knock your door when you are completely away from it somewhere in God’s Arena !!
Its Irorny but its the truth of how disaster our human life is .. .
Following is a short chronology of some of the worst stampedes in the last 20 years:
* March 1988: In Kathmandu, 70 fans are killed after a stampede towards locked exits in a hailstorm at Nepal’s national soccer stadium, the country’s worst civilian disaster.
* July 1990: 1,426 pilgrims are crushed to death inside al-Muaissem tunnel near Mecca in Saudi Arabia. The accident occurs on Eid al-Adha (The Feast of Sacrifice), Islam’s most important feast at the end of the annual Haj pilgrimage.
* May 1994: In Saudi Arabia, a stampede near Jamarat Bridge kills 270 where pilgrims hurl stones at piles of rocks symbolising the devil.
* April 1998: One hundred and nineteen Muslim pilgrims are crushed to death at the Haj pilgrimage in Saudi Arabia.
* May 2001: In Ghana, 126 people are killed after a stampede at Accra’s main soccer stadium when police fire teargas at rioting fans in one of Africa’s worst soccer disasters.
* February 2004: A stampede kills 251 Muslim pilgrims in Saudi Arabia near Jamarat Bridge during the ritual stoning of the devil at the annual Haj pilgrimage.
* January 2005: At least 265 Hindu pilgrims, including several women and children, are killed near a remote temple in India’s Maharashtra state.
* August 2005: At least 1,005 people die in Iraq when Shi’ites stampede off a bridge over the Tigris river in Baghdad panicked by rumours of a suicide bomber in the crowd.
* January 2006: Three hundred and sixty-two Muslim pilgrims are crushed to death at the eastern entrance of Mena’s Jamarat Bridge when pilgrims jostled to perform the stoning ritual between noon and sunset.
* February 2006: Seventy-one people are killed at a stadium in Manila as they scrambled to get into a popular Philippine television game show.
* September 2006: At least 51 people are killed in a Yemeni stadium where President Ali Abdullah Saleh was holding a pre-election rally in the southern province of Ibb.
* August 2008: Rumours of a landslide triggers a stampede by pilgrims in India at the Naina Devi temple, in Bilaspur district, in Himachal Pradesh. At least 145 people were killed and more than 100 people injured.
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