Ack:- Saurabh Rawane

Why dogs don’t marry?
Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

Two types of people in the world:- Some who are HAPPY. Others who are MARRIED. …..Think again…..

To the Bride and Groom – live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life…

Dear [bride’s name],
Isn’t it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride’s Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy…and now it’s happening all over again

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

How Roshan D’Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)

Roshan D’Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn’t appear.
Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.

After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.

After another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.

After another 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry’s machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.

Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as ‘BEEP’ in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as ‘TONG’.
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.

Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend’s machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.

Another 2 days later,
Mukesh Thakur: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.

Another 2 days,
Roshan D’Mello: I have re-opened the bug.
Mukesh Thakur: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?
Roshan D’Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.

After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.

After 1 year
Roshan D’Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL…..I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.

Roshan D’Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)

Ack:- Rishabh 

SRK`s Plural is ICICI BANK….
Hoe come ….it is logical…

Sharukh says Main hoo na
ICICI bank => Hum hain na

A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living.

Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?
Tim stood up and proudly said, She’s a doctor.

That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, My father is a mailman.

Thank you, Amy said the teacher. What does your parent do, Billy?
Billy proudly stood up and announced, My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.

The teacher was aghast and went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door.
The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy’s dad said, I’m actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

Many times, people say that the women species talk too much…

But there’s no problem because the male ear is SELECTIVE 🙂

Example…

When the women say:

“This House is a mess, Honey

You and I need to clean this

Your stuff is all on the floor

You will be without clothes

If you don´t wash them now!!!”

…..

……..

…….

The MALE EAR only understands:

Bla, bla, bla, bla, Honey

Bla, bla, bla, bla, You and I

Bla, bla, bla, bla, on the floor

Bla, bla, bla, bla, without clothes

Sometimes we must be Hurt in order to Grow,

Sometimes we must Fail in order to Know ,

Sometimes we must Lose in order to Gain ,

Because some lessons in life are best learned through P A I N….