EACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?

GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?

FRANK : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER : No, that’s wrong

GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE : Me!
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TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria!
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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE : I is…

TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”

MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!” There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.”Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.”Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st floor has wives that looks & cooks good

The 2nd floor has wives that looks & cooks good and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

” What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.
“Why are you down here at this time of night?”
The husband looks up from his coffee,
“Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?” he asks solemnly.
“Yes I do” she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?”
“Yes! I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.
“Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,
‘Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?”
“I remember that too” she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

“I would have been released today!”