Ye Meri Life Hai - Chirag Mehta

Be Good & Do Good!

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Sweets At My Desk

Subha Utha , Nahaya …Mast Deo Lagaya…
Usko Yaad Kiya Aur Muskuraya…

Muskurahat Ka Karan Tha , Kya Sapna Liya Tha Raat Ko
Main Company Ka Ceo Aur My Dream Girl Was My Pmo.

Mann To Kiyan So Jaon, Swapn Ki Duniya Mein Laut Jaun…
Phir Socha Uski Jhalak Paani Hain Office Mein, Kahin Late Na Ho Jaun…

Goggles Lagaya Style Mein, Sutta Niptaya,
Bike Kiya Self Start, Accelerater Maara

Pahooncha Office…Card Swipe Kara..
Khola Pc ….Lotus Notes Top Par Mail Uska Paaya…

Mailbox Dekh Sanatta Chaya..
Uska Mail Ka Subject Humien Na Bhaya..

Ek Baar Phir Kiya Mail Ka Subject Check
Oh No ..Not Again..Same Words…”Sweets At My Desk”

Darte Darte Khola Mail…Andar Wedding Invitation Paaya…
Lo Bhaiya Lut Gayee Duniya…Mandraya Kala Saaya…

Dukhi Mann Se Socha ….Chalo Ek Baar Contents To Padd Le..
Naam Kya Hai Ladke Ka…Details Se Rubaru To Ho Le…

Phir Ek Baar Mann Chakkar Khaya…Uska Naam Kahin Naa Paaya..
Mail Ka Phir Se Audit Kiya…Dil Ko Ncr Report Acha Aaya…

Mail Ke Subject Se Achi Mail Ke Body Nikli..
Jiski Shaadi Thi ..Woh To Uski Sister Nikli…

Bhujti Hui Low Phir Phadphadai…
Ek Umeed Jaagi..Asha Ki Ek Kiran Nazar Aayee.

Josh Bhare Kadmon Se Rukh Kiya Uske Cubicle Ki Aur…
Ab Sirf Uskee Jhalak Nahin ..Yeh Dil Maange More..

Aaj Tak Cubicle Ki Diwaron Se Dekha Tha Usko..
Dekhte Hee Usne Bola …Lo Dear, Sweets Lo..

Humne Suna “Dear” , Humne Kaha Ab No Fear.
Kiya Jhuki Aankhon Se Usko Stare, Uthaya Sweats Ka Apna Share..

“Dear” Shabd Kitna Acha Lagne Laga Tha….
Uske Aur Mere Beech Ka Loc Ab Mitne Laga Tha…

Baton Hi Baton Mein Usko Bataya Mail Padke Hua Confusion Tha
Reply Jo Bataya Usne, Phir Se Chida Kargil Tha..

Phir Se Low Bhuj Gayee Thi, Umeed Mit Gayee Thi …
Uski Sagai Ki Mail To Ek Hafte Pahle Bounce Back Ho Chuki Thi…

Maa Kasam Ek Hi Gaana Yaad Aa Raha Tha Cham Se…
Kasam Ki Kasam , Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Ab Humse…

O Haseeno Sun Lo Meri Iltaaja,
Please Mat Hona Humse Khafa,
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Ab Na Hoga Adjust,
Ab Mat Daalna Mail With Subject “Sweets At My Desk”

Oracle’s Real-Life Q & A

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. ‘Parent keys not found!’

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. ‘Duplicate value on index!’

Q. What if the golf ball doesn’t get into the hole at all?
A. ‘Value larger than specified precision!’

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else’s girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. ‘Insufficient privileges on the specified object!’

Q. What if you don’t get any response from the girl next door?
A. ‘No data found!’ or ‘ Query caused no rows retrieved !’

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. ‘SELECT INTO returns too many rows!’

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. ‘Invalid number’ or ‘ Object doesn’t exist!’

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. ‘Object is found mutating!’

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. ‘Discrete transaction failed!’

Q. What if you see ‘theatre full’ when you go to a movie?
A. ‘Maximum number of users exceeded!’

Q. What if you don’t get table in the lunch room?
A. ‘System out of tablespace!’

Gem of an Article – Passion is all that you need

It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and
gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my
postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies’ hostel. Other girls
were pursuing research in different departments of Science.

I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer
science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the US. I
had not thought of taking up a job in India.

One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I
saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a standard
job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company Telco (now Tata
Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers,
hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc.

At the bottom was a small line: “Lady candidates need not apply.”

I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up
against gender discrimination.

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Letter to God

Letter 1

Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,

Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,

Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn’t true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4

God,
I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,

Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby’s mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby’s mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God

Letter 5

God,
I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE
K2

Tax Structure …

1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX

8] Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 50,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL
THE CENTRAL GOVT.’s TAX !!!

19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

Parent Style

After 48 years of marriage, an elderly Gujrati man in Bombay calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are not getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??” and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay”, he says,”It’s all set. They’re both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!”

Kuch Dil se – Friends Forever

Waqt ki dhup ho ya barish,
Kuch kadmo ke nishan kabhi nahi khote,
Jinhe yaad kar ke khush hoti hain ankhen,
Woh log paas na ho kar bhi door nahi hote…

Teri dosti ne Zindgi ko Ek Maksad diya hain,
Har Sukh-Dukh me Maine Tera ehsaas kiya hain,
Jab bhi Jhapke Palak Teri,
To Samaj lena iss dost ne Yaad kiya hain…

Aapki Muskaan kabhi honthon se na chhute,
Duniya mein aapse koi kabhi na ruthe,
Meherbaan ho khuda itna aap par,
Ke aasmaan ke taare bhi aapki marzi se toote…!!!

Smart Sardar …

Aaj Tak gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive. The correspondent goes to him and asks, “Sardarji how did it
happen?”

Sardar: “Oh ji pucho mat. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri
par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.”

Aaj tak: “Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode.”

Sardar: “oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ke liye patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya.”

Info about Cultural Celebrations in China

The Chinese generally nod as an initial greeting, bowing is used in ceremonies, handshakes are also becoming popular.
Normally avoid using hand gestures while talking.
Acknowledge the most senior person in a group first.
Exchanging business cards is very popular.
Each person has a family name followed by a generational name, followed lastly by the first name.
8 is considered the luckiest of numbers in China, 6 is considered a blessing for smoothness and problem free advances. 4 is taboo as it means death, 73 stands for “the funeral” and 84 stands for “having accidents”.
Red is considered a good colour, as a sign of prosperity.
During a chinese meal, 20 to 30 courses are served.
Never leave a “clean plate” as it is considered that you were not served enough, which is an insult, on the other hand, never leave food untouched.
It would be appreciated if you eat with chopsticks, however try not to drop them as this is considered to be bad luck.

English v/s Hindi

How wud sum common English sayings direct translate in Hindi ??? Just for fun
Have a nice day! —- Achcha din lo!

What’s up? —– Uppar kya hai?

You’re kidding! —– Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don’t kid me! —– Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What’s up? —– Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man! —– Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man! —- Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Don’t mess with me, dude. —– Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

She’s so fine! —– Who itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick’s mine, okay!? —– Suno dost, who chooza mera hai, theek?

Hey good looking; what’s cooking? —- Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts? —– Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun. —– Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party. —- Party mein patthar feko.

And the best ones are…..

How do you do? —– Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch! —– Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out! —– Chalo bahar latakte hain

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