EACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?

GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?

FRANK : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER : No, that’s wrong

GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE : Me!
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TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria!
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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

MILLIE : I is…

TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”

MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD : A teacher.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!” There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.”Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.”Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st floor has wives that looks & cooks good

The 2nd floor has wives that looks & cooks good and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand .. And “lollipop” is the longest word typed with your right hand. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn’t you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”. ? (Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you’re going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to “do” this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You’re not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.” (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

Read More in Comments section …

Part 1

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks … ‘Aam hai kya?’

The shopkeeper says … ‘Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.’

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him …’Aam hai kya ?’

He gets a little irritated and says… ‘Aare Bola na, Hum ‘Aam nahi Bechte’

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him ‘Aam hai kya ?’

He gets wild and yells …’Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare sar ke upar hathoda marunga ‘

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..’hathoda hai kya?’

The shopkeeper says … ‘Nahi’

The parrot then asks … ‘Aam hai kya ?’

Part-2

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks “Aam hai kya??”

The shopkeeper is ready now….
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks

“AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???”-

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living?

Are you a weight-lifter, or what?”

“No,” replied the man.

“I work as a project manager in a software company !! “