Socialism:
You have two cows.
You keep one, but must give the other to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows.
The government takes both and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk,and then pours it down the drain.

Dictatorship:
You have two cows, The government takes both, then shoots you.

Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Democracy:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your own government.

Corporate:
You have two cows.
You lay one off, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

Ack :- Vikas Pukale

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..?

BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. that’s what’s friendship

But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye goes blink and the other remains open ………………………………….

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships.

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.

Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Men are just simply happier people, and here is why…

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
………………

Ack :- Parth Barot

હળવે હાથે હથેળી ઉપર જરા તમારું નામ લખી દો,
નામ ની સાથે સાથે સાજન, સરનામુ પણ ખાસ લખી દો.

થોક થોક લોકો ની વચ્ચે હવે નથી ગમતું મળવાનું,
ઢેલ સરીખુ વળગુ ક્યારે, મળશો ક્યાં એ સ્થાન લખી દો.

એકલતાનુ ઝેર ભરેલા વીંછી ડંખી લે એ પહેલા,
મારે આંગણ સાજન ક્યારે, લઇ આવો છો જાન લખી દો.

બહુ બહુ તો બે વાત કરી ને લોકો પાછા ભુલી જાશે,
નામ તમારું મારા નામ ની પાછળ ખુલ્લે આમ લખી દો.

હળવે હાથે હથેળી ઉપર જરા તમારું નામ લખી દો,
નામની સાથે સાથે સાજન, સરનામુ પણ ખાસ લખી દો.

Ack :- Jai Purohit

OmJai Google Hare !!
Swami Om Jai Google hare
Programmers ke sankat, Developers ke Sankat,
Click main door kare!!
OmJai Google Hare !!

Jo Dhyawe vo pawe,
dukh bin se man ka, Swami dukh bin se man ka,
Homepage ki sampatti lawe, Homework ki sampatti karave
kasht mite work ka,
Swami Om Jai Google hare!!

Tum puran search engine,
Tum hi internet yaami, Swami Tum hi internet yaami
Par karo hamari Salari, Par karo hamari appraisal,
Tum dunia ke swami,
Swami OmJai Google hare.

Tum information ke saagar,
Tum palan karta, swami Tum palan karta,
Main moorakh khalkamii, Main Searcher tum Server-ami
Tum karta dhartaa !!
Swami Om Jai Google hare!!

Din bandhu dukh harta,
tum rakshak mere, Swami tum thakur mere,
Apni search dikhaao, sare reasearch karao
Site par khada mein tere,
Swami Om Jai Google hare!!

Google devta ki aarti jo koi programmer gaawe,
Swami jo koi bhi programmer gaawe,
Kehet SUN swami, MS hari har swami,
Manwaanchhit fal paawe.
Swami Om Jai Google hare.

Ack:- Jai Purohit

Har khushi hai logo ke Daman me,
Par ek hansi ke liye waqt nahi.
Din rat daudti duniya me,
Jindagi ke liye hi waqt nahi. !

Maa ki lori ka ahsaas to hai,
par maa ko maa kehne ka waqt nahi.
Sare riston ko to hum maar chuke,
ab unhe dafnane ka bhi waqt nahi. !

Sare nam mobile me hain,
par dosti ke liye waqt nahi.
Gairon ki kya baat kahen,
jab apano ke liye hi waqt nahi. !

Ankhon me hai nind badi,
par sone ko bhi waqt nahi.
Dil hai gamo se bhara hua,
par rone ko bhi waqt nahee. !

Jindagi ki daud me aise daude,
ki thakane ko bhi waqt nahi.
Paraye ahsason ki kya kdar karen,
jab apane sapano ke liye hi waqt nahi. !

Tu hi bata E jindage,
is jindagi ka kya hoga.
Ki har pal marane walon ko,
jine ke liye bhi waqt nahi…….
Ki har pal marane walon ko,
jine ke liye bhi waqt nahi. !

13. When you’re on the phone with them late at night and they hang Up…but you miss them already when it was just two minutes ago1

12. You read their texts over and over again…

11. You walk really slowly when you’re with them…

10. You feel shy whenever you’re with them…

9. When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster…

8 . You smile when you hear their voice…

7. When you look at them, you can’t see the other people around You…All you see is him/her…

6. You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them…

5. They become ALL you think about…

4. You get high just from their scent…

3. You realize that you’re always smiling to yourself when you think About them…

2. You would do anything for them…

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole Time…..

Now make a wish

Ack:- Ravi Mevcha

yun aajkal homework kam orkut jyada hai
lagta fail hone ka pura-pura iraada hain
kal tha topper aaj 40 bhi jyada hain
lagta fail hone ka pura-pura iraada hain
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
o o o o o …

school ki inn classes me,
boring si ek teacher hai
jabse mila hai orkut
badla har ek manzar hain
dekho jahaan mein neeli neeli iss screen tale
dost naye naye hain jaise milte hue
tu mere khwaabon mein jawaabon mein sawaalon mein
har din chura tumhen main laata hoon khayalon mein
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
kya mujhe pyar hain aah
orkut se pyar hain aah
o o o o o .

Ack : – Abhijit Ranjan

Dear Manager (HR),

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed – Project Leader

A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
“That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him.”