Ack:- Sridhar Dontha

[1] CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

[2] CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

[3] BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

[4] BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

[5] VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

[6] P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

[7] BROKER — What my broker has made me.

[8] STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

[9] STOCK ANALYST! — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

[10] STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

[11] MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

[12] CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

[13] INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

[14] MOMENTUM INVESTING – The fine art of buying high and selling low.

[15] INVESTOR – Sucker

Ack:- Sridhar Dontha

Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga…
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga…

Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye…
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye…

Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo…
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo…

Kal jab mile thhe
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain
your file not found!

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don’t like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
no more disk space.

Ghar se jab tum nikle
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya server down.

Jabse meri zindagi mein,
aayi hai ek female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh
kya mailbox, kya e-mail.

Dil se ek ishq ki
application create kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se debug karna
mein wait kar raha hoon.

Tumhaare intezaar mein
neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera isp connection
time out ho gaya..

Ack:- Sachidanand Mall

kisi ka error, kisi ki exception,
kisi ka bug, kisi ki tension,
yahaan pe programmer ki har khushi,
rupaiya hai ya dollar hai ya pound,
hey server down, down……
hey server down, down……

hmmm kitna kitna, kitna kaafi hai kisko bolo
uske jitna, apni salary ko aise tolo
sabka dharam, ki kam na ho rakam,
saare sapnon mein sikko ka sound,
hey server down, down….
hey server down, down….

(la la la la….)oh yeah

chikni, chikni, meri noto ki chamdi chikni
tikni, tikni project hai inke dum pe bikni
skill hai naram, to khayega zakham,
tera bug tester ka found,
hey server down, down….
hey server down, down….

kisi ka error, kisi ki exception,
kisi ka bug, kisi ki tension,
yahaan pe programmer ki har khushi,
rupaiya hai ya dollar hai ya pound,
hey server down, down……
hey server down, down……

Ack:- Vaishali Ghogane

There was a contest in a company to write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line “On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Bangalore station ”

This is what one professional wrote for the contest……. surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story ;;))

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Bangalore station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase “appraisal letter” on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body’s neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed…. My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying “no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death”… As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee’s name in the appraisal letter… hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy’s name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name…. it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind……… splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, “wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready”