Ack:~ Saurabh Rawane

E Khuda Aaj Ye Faisla Karde,
Use Mera ya Mujhe Uska Karde.
Bahut Dukh Sahe He Maine,
Koi Khusi Ab Toh Muqadar Karde.
Bahot Muskil Lagta Hai Usse Duur Rehna,
Judai Ke Safar Ko Kum Karde.
Jitna Duur Chale Gaye Woh Mujhse,
Use Utna Kareeb Karde.
Nahi Likha Agar Nasib Me Uska Naam,
To Khatam Kar Ye Zindagi aur Mujhe FANAA Karde.

Tere Dile mein meri saanson ko panah mil jaaye Tere Ishq mein meri Jaan Fanaa Ho jaayeâ.

Ankhen to pyar me dilki zuban hoti hai,
sachi chahat to sada bezuban hoti hai,
pyar mai dard bhi mile to kya gabrana,
suna hai dard se chahat aur jawan hoti hai….

Phool hun Gulaab kaâ?
Chameli ka mat samjhnaâ?
Aashiq hun aapkaâ?
Apni Saheli ka mat samjhnaâ

Dur Humse Jaa Paoge Kaise,
Humko Bhool Paoge Kaise.
Hum Who Khushbu Jo Saanson Mein Utar Jaye, Khud Apni Saanxon Ko Rok Paoge Kaise..

Bekhudi Ki Zindagi Hum Jiya Nahi Karte,
Yun kisika ka Jaam Hum Piya Nahi Karte.
Unse Kehdo Mohabbat Ka Izhaar Aakar Khud Karein,
Yun Kisika Peecha Hum Nahin Karteâ

RONE DE TU AAJ HAMAKO TU AANKHE SUJANE DE
BAHO ME LELE AUR KHUD KO BHEEG JANE DE
HAI JO SEENE ME QUAID DARIYA WO CHUT JAYEGA
HAI ITANA DARD KI TERA DAMAN BHEEG JAYEGA..

tere dil mein meri saanson ko jagah mil jaaye
tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye
adhoori saans thi dhadkan adhoori thi adhooren ham
magar ab chaand poora hain falak pe aur ab pooren hain ham

Aag suraj mein hoti hai ,
sehna sab ko padta hai
mohabbar nigahe karti hai
sehna dil ko padta hai

log kahete hai mohabbat mein neend ud jati hai
koi hum ko mohabbat karna sikha de
hum ko neend bahot aati hai

Ack :~ Bishnu Bhatta

mere… Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain Aur lonely hain…
Problem ye hai ki bus voh READ-ONLY hain…

Shayad mere pyar ko taste Karna bhool gaye…
Dil sey aisa CUT kiya ke PASTE karna bhool gaye..

Tumhare samne hain itney items Kabhi hame bhi pick karo…
Hamare pyar ke ICON pe Kabhi to tum DOUBLE-CLICK karo…

Roz subha hum karte hai Itne pyar se unhe good morning…
Woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain Jaise 0 ERRORS but 5 WARNINGS…

Ho gayi galti humse, Click ho gaya mouse
Duniya ki parwaah chhodo, ban jaao meri spouse!

Tumse mila main kal to, Mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili To kehti ho: Your file not found!

Ab aur kaho na tum, “but” ya “if”
Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif

Aysa bhi nahin hai ke, I don’t likeyour face
Par dil ke computer mein, Nahin hai enough disk space

Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application, Create main karoonga
Tum usse debug karna, Wait main karoonga

Tumhaara intezaar karte karte, Main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection, Time out ho gaya

Kya chaal hai tumhaari, Jaise chalti hai koi cat
What is your ICQ number, Aao karein chat

Tum jabse meri zindagi, mein aayi ho banke female,
Yaad raha na ab kuch, Na postman , Na e-Mail

Joh sadiyaon se hota aaya hai Woh repeat kar doonga…
Tu naa mili to tujhko dil sey Ctrl+Alt+Delete kar doonga…

Humse Kya Khata Hui Ki message Aanna Band Hai…….
Aap hi humse naraz hain ya Web Server band hai…….

Badli hai duniya , kuchch mein bhi badal gaya hoon
Pahle bekaar tha ab S/W Programmer ban gaya hoon

VC aaye to VB mein daal do,
VC aaye to VB mein daal do
seedhe seedhe sabko museebat mein daal do

Project extend ho gaya to kya ho jaata hai?
Are Tankha milti hai aur timepass ho jata hai..

teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
teri yaad me sanam raat bhar humne to wine piya
kabhi offline to kabhi online piya

Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Pyar ke sitaare jab gardish mein hote hai
Laila ghar mein aur majnoo project testing kar rahe hote hai

Ack :~ Vijay Raut

Jack and Max are walking from religious service.Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, “Why don’t you ask the Priest?” So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, “Priest, may I smoke while I pray?” But the Priest says, “No, my son, you may not. That’s utter disrespect to our religion.” Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.” And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, “Priest, may I pray while I smoke?” To which the Priest eagerly replies,” By all means,my son. By all means.”

Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For Example: Can I work on this project while I’m on vacation

Ack:~ Sachidanand Mall

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.”

Ack :~ Vaishali Ghongane

May your software be bug free in the coming days
May you get on-site opportunities as soon as possible
May your PL or PM stop assigning you work on Friday evenings
May your pay be the best among the industry
May you not learn many more languages in the near future
May you get flood of mails and forwards from everybody
and lastly,
May you see a world beyond coding, de-bugging and delivery

Ack:~ Potnuru Archana

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost
control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and
stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:
“Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”.

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years”

Ack :~ Chintan Vasani

CREATE OR REPLACE PROCEDURE MyMarriage @BrideGroom CHAR(NotBad), @Bride CHAR(Good) IS
SELECT Bride
FROM *****Brides –this is ur guess reply with this
WHERE FatherInLaw = ‘Millionaire’
AND CarCount = 2
AND HouseStatus =’TwoStoreyed’
AND BrideEduStatus=’PGorAbove’ HavingBrothers=’NO’ AND HavingSisters =’No’ AND AllowRelocate =’YES’ ;

SELECT gold, cash, car, bankbalance
FROM fatherinlaw;

UPDATE mybankaccout
SET mybal = mybal + fatherinlawbal;

UPDATE mylocker
SET mylockercontents = mylockercontents + fatherinlawgold;

INSERT INTO mycarshed
VALUES (‘Safari’);

END;

Sardar bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said “My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610”
————————————————————–
Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.

————————————————————–
What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

————————————————————–
Santa falls in luv with a nurse…After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”
————————————————————–

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
————————————————————-

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next… Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

***************************************************

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

**************************************************
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

**************************************************

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.

****************************************************

Q: How do you recognize Santa’s son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
**************************************************

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u’ll die.
Santa: No, u’ll die b’coz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?

**************************************************
Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? ”
A: Santa bola, “Pehle date of birth to batao.”

***************************************************
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

****************************************************
What’s Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What’s Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

******************************************************
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.

***************************************************
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever
– What comes first – the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

*************************************************
Santa (reading from book of facts):
“Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?”

————————————————————–
Teacher to Sardar ” Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

==================================

Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again..

=====================================

Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na….

======================================

Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN was also in at that time.

=====================================
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

===================================
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer: A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..