Ye Meri Life Hai - Chirag Mehta

Be Good & Do Good!

Month: May 2007 (page 3 of 7)

My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse

A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living.

Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?
Tim stood up and proudly said, She’s a doctor.

That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, My father is a mailman.

Thank you, Amy said the teacher. What does your parent do, Billy?
Billy proudly stood up and announced, My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.

The teacher was aghast and went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door.
The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy’s dad said, I’m actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

Mens Ear is SELECTIVE

Many times, people say that the women species talk too much…

But there’s no problem because the male ear is SELECTIVE 🙂

Example…

When the women say:

“This House is a mess, Honey

You and I need to clean this

Your stuff is all on the floor

You will be without clothes

If you don´t wash them now!!!”

…..

……..

…….

The MALE EAR only understands:

Bla, bla, bla, bla, Honey

Bla, bla, bla, bla
, You and I

Bla, bla, bla, bla
, on the floor

Bla, bla, bla, bla, without clothes

India’s share in world trade

Ack :- Prashant Kotian

India’s share in world trade has gone up significantly since 2004. According to the latest information published in the World Trade Statistics by the World Trade Organisation (WTO), India’s share in total world trade (which includes trade in both merchandise and services sector) has gone up from 1.1% in 2004 — i.e., the initial year of the Foreign Trade Policy (2004-09) – to 1.5% in 2006. “Based on the current rates of growth of merchandise and services trade, it is expected that India’s share in world trade covering merchandise plus service sector trade may well double from the level of 2004 to cross 2% mark in 2009”, Shri Kamal Nath, Minister of Commerce & Industry, has said.

As far as merchandise trade alone is concerned, India’s share in global merchandise trade may increase from 1.2% in 2006 to 1.5% in 2009.

It may be recalled that India’s share in merchandise trade has increased from 0.9% in 2004 to 1.2% in 2006, thereby crossing one per cent share of world trade. At the same time, India’s services trade has recorded an even higher growth performance resulting in an increase in the share in world services trade from 2% in 2004 to 2.7% in 2006.

In the Foreign Trade Policy announced by Shri Kamal Nath in August 2004, a medium term horizon for India’s export growth was envisaged and as part of this, the share of India’s merchandise trade in world trade was targeted to double in 2009.

According to the World Trade Statistics of the WTO in 2006, India’s total merchandise trade (export + import) was valued at US $ 294 billion in 2006 and India’s services trade inclusive of export and import was US $ 143 billion. Thus, India’s global economic engagement in 2006 covering both merchandise and services trade was of the order of US $ 437 billion, up by a record 72% from a level of US $ 253 billion in 2004.

Gujarati Poem – One Day I ..

વિચાર્યુ કે થૈશ હુ પન એક દિ ધનવાન

વિચાર્યુ કે થશે કુદરત પન મારા પર મહેરબાન

જોઇતા નથિ મારે બન્ગલા અને ગાડી

બસ જોઇય ચે તોહ એક સુન્દર લાડી

કલ્પના જેનિ મે ચે કરિ

નામ જપુ ચુ બસ તારુ હરિ

મલિ જાયે મને માર માન નિ મિત

સુખ, શાન્તિ અને સમ્પાતિ સહિત

આન્ખો વડિ વડિ ને જુવે ચે શેરિયોન રાસ્તા

ક્યાક ભટકિ જાવો તમે અમસ્તા,

કોક દિ તોહ આહ દિલ નિ પુકાર રન્ગ લાવશે,

અને કોક દિ જરુર મારિ ચાહ મારિ સામે આવશે

PAIN

Sometimes we must be Hurt in order to Grow,

Sometimes we must Fail in order to Know ,

Sometimes we must Lose in order to Gain ,

Because some lessons in life are best learned through P A I N….

Reasons why UPA has failed

– Prashant Kotian

1) How will OBC quota help when, for simple certificate a poor man has to bribe?
2) Crude has cooled down world wide except the UPA centre?
3) Use of Ethanol no where in picture uptill world majors forced UPA to introduce it?
4) BJP came with golden quadriangle which eased Mfg Industry impacting on there working cost cap but UPA has ignored it why?
5) Lack of Infra has resulted in Land Mafia & Sky high housing with high Int rates for Aam Adaami.
6) Godhra planned to uproot party which has led state of Gujrat to path of progress.
7) Cease fire in Assam to help Bangladeshi Intruders & Maoists groups.
9) Entertain Bangladeshi’s for Votebanks.
8) Open Pricacy which has led to sufficient fundings for anti social elements & bombing.Just Imagine Rs15 cost price & Margin of Rs50 behind every DVD sold.

No Aam Adaami is the strategy of Congress…

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PJ’s of the Day

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why ?
Because the bananas are made of plastic.

Next.Q
The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?
Because the elephant is made of plastic.Hahhaa.never give up.one more..

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it. Why ?
Because the bananas are in the TV.Ooops!!! Cool down.

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
Because they are on different channels.Hohohohoohohoh..hehehe

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
Cmon think ..
Because the TV is off. Kikikikikiki J

Now Finally the Elephant gets a chance to eat the bananas.Why?
why the hell do u think so much…let that poor animal have some food….n u get back to your work 😀 …heheheh !!!!!!!!

Why Employess Leave Organisations?

Azim Premji, CEO- Wipro

Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.

Early this year, Mark, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.

He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great.. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office, and the very best technology, even a canteen that served superb food.

Twice Mark was sent abroad for training. “My learning curve is the sharpest it’s ever been,” he said soon after he joined.

Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Mark walked out of the job.

Why did this talented employee leave?

Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.

The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called “First Break All The Rules”. It came up with this surprising finding:

If you’re losing good people, look to their immediate boss ..Immediate boss is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he ‘s the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge, experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition.

” People leave managers not companies,” write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.

Mostly manager drives people away?

HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave, but a thought has been planted. The second time, that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he looks for another job.

When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: “If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don’t have your heart and soul in the job.”

Different managers can stress out employees in different ways – by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit – often over a trivial issue.

Talented men leave. Dead wood doesn’t.

Ragging song on apple

Ack:- Nandan kelkar

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fukat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayenge apple
L for lena padhega tumko ye apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehatmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaari k nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaao jaldi se apple
X for X’mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zyada pakau laga ho yeh sab toh, kha lena ek aur apple

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