A Professor at one of the IIM’s (INDIA) was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:”I am very rich. Marry me!” – That’s Direct Marketing

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. Marry him.” – That’s Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich.Marry me.” – That’s Telemarketing

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I’m rich. Will you marry me?” – That’s Public Relations

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?” – That’s Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That’s Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:”I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband. That’s demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she goes with him – That’s competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your wife arrives. – That’s restriction for entering new markets

Ack:- Senoy Laxman

Questions

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins withloaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years.Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful ! dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of
this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, W! ednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph.
I’m curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

Answers

1. The third. Lions that haven’t eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.

4. The answer is Charcoal.

5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

6. The letter “e,” which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph…

Ack:- Sridhar Dontha

[1] CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

[2] CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

[3] BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

[4] BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

[5] VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

[6] P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

[7] BROKER — What my broker has made me.

[8] STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

[9] STOCK ANALYST! — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

[10] STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

[11] MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

[12] CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

[13] INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

[14] MOMENTUM INVESTING – The fine art of buying high and selling low.

[15] INVESTOR – Sucker

Ack:- Gopi Parchuri

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : “I will choose my own bride!”

Father: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”
Son : “Well, in that case…ok”

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!”

Father: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case…ok”

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”
President: “But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!”

Father: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”
President: “Ah, in that case…ok”

This is how business is done!!